The Benefits of a Forgiving Heart

Ever since we were little children, forgiveness has been hovering in the background of our lives. All family structures, as close or as distant as they are, always had to deal with the release of this word. I remember me and my older brother having fights and because he was older he would always be the aggressor. And the times when he got the best of me, I would go to my mom crying and her response to my crisis was to have my brother say that he was sorry. I’m confused because I’m hurting and I need justice, but my cries are being followed up with “I’m sorry”. This is the foundation that kids are being served all over the world, kids are being forced to say something they don’t understand. Both parties walk away confused and unfulfilled because this conversation served only the adult. In order for us to have an effective conversation, both parties have to have the same understanding of the word sorry. The definition of sorry is sympathy for someone else’s misfortune. My brother did not feel sympathy for me.

I’m not suggesting that the way my mother handled it was wrong, I’m suggesting that we didn’t understand. Now that we’re older, all over the world, adults are waiting for an apology before they give forgiveness, simply because this was the foundation from which we’re building our response time to be nice again. But what if when I came to my mom crying about my brother harming me, what if she did this, “Van give forgiveness to your brother.” Not waiting for the apology but giving the forgiveness first because forgiveness is an act of love. We have to teach our kids now the fundamental truth of forgiveness, not when they’re adults. After having me give forgiveness to my brother and explaining why, then have my brother say back to me “thank you for offering this undeserved olive branch.” Then remind him on the importance of protecting and not harming your brother. How would that show up in these two adults now? That principle of giving forgiveness before the apology, why? Because you may not get it and if you don’t get it will it sever the relationship?

All over the world men and women with degrees, ph.D’s, leaders of companies, fathers, mothers are incapable of extending forgiveness before the apology because they were taught that the apology comes first and they will not abandon their foundation. And all it is, is simply a frozen tradition that no longer serve us. Forgiveness simply means, I forgo the right to hurt you because you hurt me, I am willing to put my feelings aside in order for us to reconcile back to each other, I am willing to submit my feelings for the embitterment of our relationship. Forgiveness is simply one of the forgotten heroes of the restoration of mankind. People have left their bodies and we had funeral arrangements for them and they never got the chance to utter the words, “please forgive me.” and the earth is mourning their sorrows. Let’s reframe how we communicate the potency and the gift of forgiveness. Its not a bargaining chip where you hold it ransom until the consumer gives you the apology. Blessed are the peace makers, not who are right but BLESSED are the peace makers. Anytime you are an advocate for peace and reconciliation life will always reward you. Forgiveness is a gift, please use it wisely.